My journey to the truth

Although this blog is about clean living and eating and well being, I was lead to share with you a little bit about how I came to desire to live this way.  I am not going through some fad, trying a special diet to lose weight, nor did I suddenly become "aware" or "conscious"...   well let me just tell my story.....

Back in 2006 I was quite disillusioned with christianity.  I believed in “the bible”, but didn’t fully understand its concepts.  All of my life I had been told that the “old testament” was for the jews, and that the “new testament” was for the christians.  It was never explained to me why.  The only thing that was ever explained to me was that being a christian meant you had “christ in you,” and that the jews didn’t believe in “christ.”  This idealistic phrase supposedly meant that christ dwelt inside you, in your heart or soul if you will, and that because you were his, you had a sure seat “in heaven.”

I walked around proudly, with my claim to christianity like a badge of honor upon my forehead and on my hand.  I sung in the choir, I served on the usher board, I attended sunday school and bible study, I even represented my church at different local events.  I was dedicated to reading the sunday school lessons.  Pouring over those little pamphlets as if they were scripture themselves…  In all of that dedication, studying, singing, and reading I never learned a thing, except that I must be baptized, I must repent, and that I was obligated to give tithes and offerings.

Sad to say, this is the attitude of many church goers.  We blindly follow the teachings of our pastors, preachers, evangelists, ministers, and bishops without question.  Those who have dared to ask questions have been met with the admonishment of “touch not the anointed.”  These words erroneously repeated from Tahalym/Psalm 105:15 and Dabry Hayamym Alaph/1 Chron 16:22.  I can only imagine that the recipients of said admonishing never study these verses to determine what they mean or why there were spoken.    For those of you that do not know, let me show you what Daud was referencing when he made that statement:

Brashyt 20: 3 But YHUH came to Abymalak/Abimelech in a dream by night and

said to him, “Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you
have taken, for she is a man's ashah.” 4 Now Abymalak had not approached her.
So he said, “YHUH, will you kill an innocent people? 5 Did he not himself say to
me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘He is my brother.’ In the integrity of
my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this.” 6 Then Alahym said
to him in the dream, “Yes, I know that you have done this in the integrity of your
heart, and it was I who kept you from sinning against me. Therefore I did not let
you touch her. 7 Now then, return the man's ashah, for he is a prophet, so that
he will pray for you, and you shall live. But if you do not return her, know that
you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.”

So let us go back to the verses aforementioned.  19 When you were few in number, of little account, and sojourners in it, 20 wandering from nation to nation, from one reign to another people, 21 he allowed no one to oppress them; he rebuked sovereigns on their account, 22 saying, “Touch not my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm!”  I pray you’ve had an ah ha moment… If not, reread again, and again, and again, until you get it.  I shared this to prove a point.  We truly perish from lack of knowledge. 

It wasn’t studying that turned me away from churchanity…  It wasn’t doubt that turned me away from churchanity.  I didn’t all of a sudden turn into a skeptic, nor did I come across some astonishing information that turned my belief aside.  I didn’t have an epiphany.  Nothing dramatic happened to cause me to turn from my belief and turn toward obedience to the Turah of YHUH.  In fact, what did happen was that I slowly began to grow hungry and thirsty for more.  I began to desire more than what I was being taught.  And when that hunger and thirst was not quenched, I just stopped going.  Period.

I didn’t step foot into a church or watch a “gospel” program for a few years.  I listened to my “gospel” music every now and again because it made me feel good.  But other than that, I just stopped completely.  I didn’t pray and ask why.  In fact, I never spoke a word about what I was feeling.  I felt as if I would be looked down upon because of my lack of understanding and my need for something more, so I just kept my thoughts and feelings to myself. 

Then, in the late summer of 2008 my children came to me, one by one, to inform me that they were not interested in celebrating holidays any more, and wanted to go back to the way things were when they were growing up.  See, I didn’t believe in man’s holidays and had tried my best to raise my children without celebrating them.  When we did celebrate them, I tried to keep “jesus” in the celebration.  I shake my head at the notion.  Fact is, the only thing in these man made traditions is paganism through and through. And yes Jesus is pagan.

Anyway, my children were all married, and they asked me for information to share with their spouses as to why they shouldn’t be celebrating these pagan rituals.  So, I dug into my old study materials and I also began to search out information using online dictionaries and encyclopedias.  Within a week I had an arsenal of information to share with them.  We began to meet weekly to discuss what was being uncovered.  What I hadn’t counted on, was running across some information that would literally set my whole way of life and thinking right side up. 

One day, as I was researching, I came across a website that spoke on this thing called a tetragrammaton.  I had never heard of such a thing.  I decided to dig a little deeper to determine just what it was.  To say I was shocked to find out that the Creator had a name other than lord or god is an understatement.  In the beginning, I didn’t want to believe it.  But there was something speaking to me that said “dig a little deeper.”  And so I dug.  And I dug.  And I dug.  And I dug… and eventually I unearthed a treasure that is so valuable that no amount of money, fame, fortune, or even promise of life can cause me to give it up. 

Because I didn’t have an understanding of Abaryt/Hebrew, I felt I needed to begin learning the Alaph Byth so that I could understand the pronunciation of the Yad Ha Uau Ha that spelled the name of the Father.  The more I studied, the more I felt I needed to learn.  I was eager to learn.  My hunger and thirst came back with a vengeance.  I wasn’t getting any sleep.  Yet I was energized.  I was also a bit frightened.  And I was also becoming angry.  Every day, a little angrier than the day before.

Why was I angry?  I was actually quite pissed off, that I was finding out that all of the doctrine that I had been fed for over 40 years was just a bunch of lies and propaganda to keep me indoctrinated.  I was fighting mad.  I wanted to go to every church I had ever attended and blast each and every pastor, minister, evangelist, elder, deacon, and bishop in those churches.  I wanted to shout to the rooftops that folks were being lied to.  I wanted to tell EVERYONE!  I learned quickly that not everyone would be ready nor willing to hear the truths I was discovering.

But I can tell you this, like artifacts hidden in desert ground, each truth I discovered made me feel richer and richer.  I know began to feel as if thousands of years worth of shackles were being broken.  The albatross of churchanity was no longer anchored around my neck.  The chains that bound 
my mind and my ruach to the lies I had been fed my entire life were being broken.  I was FREE!  I
was delivered!  I was redeemed.  And I discovered, I had been chosen…   this always brings tears to my eyes, a smile to my face, and an indescribable joy to my heart and soul.

I figured out early on that it is completely necessary to learn to read scripture in the Abaryt if you want to have a true understanding of it.  I want to live and live right, so it became my mission to understand my Creator in the language He presented Himself to His chosen people in.  The more I studied and learned, the more I realized I had to unlearn.  As I began to peel the layers of brokenness away, the rotten stink that was my former self began to dissipate.  As I began to delight in being obedient to the truth I was learning, the more I began to hate the person that I once was.  And the more I began to hate that old me, the more I grew to love the One who was molding and remaking me in His image.  The experience is awesome, and I cannot describe it to you.  It is truly something you have to feel and discover for yourself. 

But I can and will share this.  You will NEVER discover the truth hiding in and binding yourself to christianity, or any other religion for that matter.  I discovered that YHUH, the Mighty One of Abraham, Yitschaq, and Yaqab cannot be found in man’s religions.  His truth is not written in the pages of their doctrines.  Even the bryt Chadashah/New Testament cannot reveal to you the fullness of who YHUH is, nor what He desires and expects in His chosen.  The only way to discover this is to immerse yourself in the Turah and to study the prophesies of the Nabyaym.  YHUH spoke the words and they were written in Abaryt.  Learn the language, and you will discover a world full of truth that is life giving. 

I've been laughed at, ridiculed, talked about, whispered about, and lied to.  I've had so called sisters in the "way" chastise me because I study and refuse to adhere to the doctrines of these self or people appointed morehs and elders.  My thoughts about that is if you fall for new lies you may as well stick with the old lies, because no matter how good you try and make it sound a lie is still a lie.

YHUH said learn His words.  He said bind them to your heads and your hands, in other words know them and do them.  Obedience is the key, but only that which comes from true love and reverence and fear of the Mighty One of Yasharal.  YHUH is His name.  He will not give His praise nor His esteem to any other. 

One of the many proverbs says “in all of your getting, get understanding.”  We need to really seek YHUH’s ways.  We need to stop perishing for lack of knowledge.

Alykham Shalum

Tamar